Year-end no-posting summary

Why hello there! Long time no post. It's been almost a year since I last updated; here are some of the highs, lows, and in-betweens with more to follow in the upcoming days and weeks.

The happy stuff: I have my PharmD! Of course, in true Cara style, I'm going to keep going to get my Master's degree this June, and then hopefully complete my PhD as well. Scott and I have been traveling, visiting friends & family in Florida, New Jersey, and Pennyslvania. I lived in Philly for the month of February while training at Penn, and that was a hoot. I never knew Philly was such a great spot; it had always been overshadowed by NYC when I lived in Jersey. We've managed to do a repositioning cruise between Seattle & Vancouver (with another one scheduled for September!) and went to Vegas with friends. Next up: Florida & a Caribbean cruise next month, then Amsterdam, Dublin and western Ireland in September. In happy family news, my brother's wife had a baby boy in March, the 5th generation of Bernards in our family. Everyone else is burbling along and doing fine.

The bummer stuff: Sampson passed away in February. It was so, so hard to let him go. He had always rebounded from his different health problems, whether it was a tumor in his throat or his intestinal problems or an infection. Unfortunately, he developed lymphoma and although we tried conservative treatment for it, it progressed quickly. Although he was fading by the time I went to Penn, I really didn't expect him to die. He had always rallied, so I didn't expect this time to be any different. He passed away a week after I left for Philadelphia. I will always regret that I wasn't able to be there with him when he died. But, extending his misery another few weeks so I could be there would have been much worse. He died peacefully at home in his favorite chair while Scott held him and Casper and Sadie sat nearby. I miss him everyday, but I'm glad he's no longer hurting.

Back to the happier side of the street! We adopted another cat in March. I had intended to adopt an older cat similar to Sampson but when I went to meet him it didn't quite work out (as in, he tried to bite me a few times). Following that mess, I went upstairs and saw a big orange boy named Tigger. He reached out of his cage and grabbed my arm as I was passing by, and the rest is history. I brought him home that day (more on that journey in another post) and he's been torturing us and the resident kittehs ever since.

Funny thing is, we still don't have a proper name for him. We usually give the cats a nickname plus a proper name and middle name (you'll see why shortly). For example, we call our female cat Dumptruck (Scott's nickname, not mine) with permutations of that nickname being Dumpy, Dump-weena, Weens, and Weena-buns. Her proper name is Sadie Mae, because Sadie is a much more acceptable name on vet records than Weena-buns, you know?

If you have a proper name for this cat (Jack? Benny? Zoltan?) then I'd love to hear your suggestion. Until then we only have his nickname that stuck, so without further delay, here's Fudge!

Rollin', rollin', rollin'

Summer is rolling right along here. We've had a few big milestones: we just celebrated our anniversary, Scott had a birthday, and Scott and I are now an aunt & uncle to little Eli! Scott's sister had her baby on July 6th.

On July 5th, I started the first of nine one-month rotations to finish off my PharmD. At the end of March, I'll graduate with the PharmD and then move on to the MS/PhD program. I'll finish the MS in June 2012. I don't want to think about the PhD right now. :-)

This month I'm at a local teaching hospital in the outpatient hematology/oncology clinic. It's been a great experience so far and I'm working with wonderful pharmacists, nurses and doctors. There are amazing patients who I get to see as well. I've also spent a lot of time talking to young people about their (most often terminal) cancer diagnoses and subsequent treatment. These conversations have ranged from sad to joyous to thankful to reflective and everything in between. At the end of the day I'm exhausted for the long drive home, but I'm really grateful for the time by myself to think about the day.

If I could characterize my thoughts on the drive home, I would say they go in a pattern similar to this:
1) Damn, life is short.
2) This rotation is tapping into my hypochondriac, what if this nagging backache is actually metastatic cancer?
3) It's not a tumor.
4) I wonder about patient A; maybe I should do some research tonight on an alternative chemo regimen. I don't like this regimen because of toxicity/cost/iffy efficacy.
5) Backache from sitting all day. Really, just a backache, it's not a tumor.
6) Refer back to "life is too short." It is what it is, but "it" does not include tumor. Now, what to do about patient A?
7) Am I lame for wanting to go to bed at 8 pm each night?

By the time I get home I'm ready for some kitty snuggle time. Next month it's on to general medicine. September should be a good learning experience because it's at a naturopathic pharmacy, so I can finally get a better grip on the herbs/vitamins/tinctures cancer patients take during chemotherapy.

More in a bit--the in-laws arrive tomorrow, the condo's still a mess and I'm buried in work that I owe to many different organizations/people. Have a great week!

Back to happier news

A few months ago, we asked for a transfer request for our foster Jojo. He's a sweet 4 year old kitty with just a bit too much energy; he spent his free time harassing Clayton, who was beginning his decline. So we sent Jojo to live with a new foster family, who might adopt him, and we took in Precious.

Precious is a 1 year old kitty who was outdoors and fell asleep in a warm car block on a cold night. Unfortunately her owner started the engine the following morning without honking the horn or checking for her. After 2 days of washing her in Pine Sol with no vet visit, the owner surrendered her to the animal shelter. The emergency vet amputated her most of her tail and sewed up her shoulder.

Precious came to live with us about six weeks ago now, and in that time she and Sammy have become buds. Casper likes to groom her and chase her around.

The time came for me to put her on Petf!nder, and I kept finding excuses for not creating the posting. Our other foster at this time is Quinto, a 9 year old boy who was attacked by a dog while left outside and had to have an abscess surgically drained. I got him up on Petf!nder within a week; not being able to post Precious told me I should be talking to Scotto. Lucky enough, we may have found Quinto a home; his adoption will (fingers crossed) be finalized on Tuesday.

While I'm committed to adopting and fostering senior cats, after losing Clayton and Butters in the last 6 months, I wanted a healthier cat with a longer life expectancy. I want to see her grow up; within the last few weeks we've seen her personality start to come out, her coat is getting glossy, and she's playing with the other cats. Other than fur missing that may not grow back and a stumpy tail, she's in great health.

So as of today, she is Sadie Mae, aka "Dumptruck". Scott gave her the name Dumptruck, which has managed to stick, much to my chagrin. Sigh. I've been going around saying, "here Dumpy Dumpy little one..." The boy is going to have NO say on kid names, or else we'll have Pile Driver and Street Cleaner running around.
Have a good week, y'all.

Another goodbye

Well, hello there. It's been quite awhile since I posted.

In my last post, I introduced Clayton. Sadly, in this post, it's time to talk about our goodbye to our little Clay.

We adopted Clayton as a sweet senior cat from a local shelter. He was attacked once by a dog while he was outside. The second time he was let outside on a regular basis, he was attacked by a raccoon. It pains me to think of my little Clay-Clay trying to fend off a dog or a raccoon, but that is done and I can't change it. Another post will talk about how I feel like you have a compromised IQ if you let your cats outside, and how "oh, my cat likes it" or "we live in a rural area, really!" is a goddamn weak-ass cop out to your own inability to properly care for a pet and provide it with mental stimulation. Moving on...

Poor Clay had spinal stenosis from repeated attacks, and in his last days suffered horribly from this neurological problem. We carried him into and out of the litter box. We held his food up to his face so he could eat. We did it because we loved him and wanted comfortable final days for him. It was a privilege to care for such a wonderful little soul.

What I will miss about Clay is his sweetness and his want to be with his humans. He slept in between us with his head on the pillow, the blankets up to his face. He purred like a freight train and burped like a 400 pound man with heartburn. He snored louder than any human I've ever heard. All he wanted was love. Sadly, that was all we could give him, and it wasn't enough. I wish we could have given him more.

If nothing else, I hope that anyone reading this learns from this: do NOT let your cats outside. I don't want to hear your explanations or excuses. If one person can learn from Clay's situation, it was that he developed horrible spinal problems that killed him because he had been attacked while outside. If you love your cats, you don't resign them to the possibility of this horrible end.

I miss Clay so much already, and he's only been gone for only 5 hours. Rest now, my sweet baby boy, and I wish I could have done more for you. I'm so sorry you suffered, but we tried so hard to make you comfortable. We miss you, we love you, and Mom and Dad wish more than anything that you were here with us now.

Wordless Wednesday: Introducing Clayton

2009 wrap-up

2009 was a good year and a bad year; overall, I'm glad it's over. I'm using the meme to sum things up (sorry!) but it's just a great way to hit all of the high and low notes of the year. Without further delay, here it is...

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Went to Rome. Visited the North Carolina's Outer Banks. Went to Hawaii Volcanoes National Park. Euthanized a pet.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I made a list of goals of things to do; I achieved many of them, but not some of them. I'm going to make a list for this year as well.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes! Carolyn had baby Zac, and Katy had baby Claire.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My husband's grandfather died, as did Butterball. I realize Butters wasn't a person, but to us he was family.

5. What countries did you visit?
Italy and Canada.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
More peace of mind and less stress.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
December 11th--Butterball died.
May 28th--Sampson was diagnosed with cancer.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting Sampson through cancer surgery and radiation. He's healthy and happy now.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not getting Butterball's asthma under control, which unfortunately was the reason for his death.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing major for me, thank goodness. Scott had H1N1 flu, which was miserable, but he recovered after a week. (Get your shots!!!)

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A new digital camera.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My husband. He is a patient, amazing, dedicated soul who juggled multiple competing interests and stressful situations and yet found time to teach free computer classes and take care of multiple special-needs animals coming through our household. And put up with me, which is no small feat.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Hmm. It would be the woman who attacked the mother who Twittered for support after her baby drowned in a pool. The attacking person thrives on attention and is trying to use the publicity to sell her shit book on Amazon, so I'm not going to mention her name again.

14. Where did most of your money go?
To school and to cats.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Seeing family and friends! We were able to see our loved ones multiple times this year.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
"Cat Lullaby" by Fred Moolten
I’ve watched you sleep so many times before
Your fur and whiskers gentle to my eye
I used to wonder where you went in dreams
Lie quiet now and hear my lullaby

You’ll go now where the dish is always full
Where water always shimmers in your bowl
You’ll go to where the winter sun is warm
You’ll go to where the summer nights are cool

And though the sparrow flies beyond your reach
You’ll climb the highest fence with careless grace
And all the dogs will be as small as mice
And where you prowl not one will dare to chase

Don’t be afraid, you want this pain to end
The vet’s your friend, he knows this road you’re on
Feel my caress, and listen to my song
I promise I won’t go before you’re gone

When you were young, I chased you through the grass
You ran too fast, I never caught you then
And now once more you’re leaving me behind
But someday I’ll catch up with you again

I’ve watched you sleep so many times before
Your fur and whiskers gentle to my eye
I used to wonder where you went in dreams
Lie quiet now and hear my lullaby

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? I think the same.
b) thinner or fatter? I think the same.
c) richer or poorer? Richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Spent more time with Butters, friends, and family.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying about things I can't control.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
At my parents' house in Florida, with my siblings, husband, and in-laws. It was wonderful.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Yes. It's cheesy, but I fall in love over and over again with my husband quite often.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Mythbusters!!!

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nope. Hate's pretty strong; I can't think of anyone I really hate. I may hate what they do or say, but I don't hate the person.

24. What was the best book you read?
Hard to say; I read a lot this year. I really enjoyed "Dying Well" by Ira Byock.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Lady Gaga. LOVE HER.

26. What did you want and get by year’s end?
I was able to leave my job (yes!!!) to concentrate on school and grants for six months before I go on rotations.

27. What did you want and not get by year’s end?
More time with family and friends. A confirmed rotation at UPenn so I can be in the Philly area to see my Stephen-baby and spend time with my sister-in-law after she gives birth.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
I don't go to movies, so I'd have to say "Southern Comfort", although it's a few years old.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 32; we went out with a few friends a few days later. The day of I went out to dinner with Scott.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Being able to have more of a game plan for the next few years.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Clogs, cardigan, jeans. Comfy and practical.

32. What kept you sane?
My family and friends, along with heaping servings of coffee.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Steve Martin. I've always had a huge crush on him.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The inauguration, and health care reform.

35. Who did you miss?
My best friend Stephanie. My mom and sisters. My aunt. My grandfather, who died in 1991.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Hmmm. Bronny and I have really revitalized our friendship this year, so although I've known her for years, I would say I'm meeting her all over again, and that is wonderful.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
There are many things that are beyond your control. Don't take things personally and move on. Savor the good times because they don't last.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"Some need gold and some need diamond rings
Or a drug to take away the pain that living brings
A promise of a better world to come
When whatever here is done
I don't need that sky of blue
All I know is since I found you,
I'm happy when I'm in your arms
Happy, darling, come the dark
Happy when I taste your kiss
I'm happy in a love like this."
- Bruce Springsteen

Done.

Did a 5K today. Trudged along for part of it. But I finished it.

Sorry for the short update, but my knee is killing me and it's midterms. So it's off to ice and studying for me.

Love and hugs to all of you.